Corbin's Poem

The needle skips on the record
Repeating the same line “waiting for super-, waiting for super-, waiting for super-“
She’s lying next to half a bottle of dreams
Draped over a torn scarlet chair
Singing quietly to herself “waiting.”
She lets the words linger on her lips, tasting them softly
She whispers his name “superman”
Her superman
Running through her life like a child with crayons
Coloring outside the lines, bringing chaos to her quiet mind
Beautiful chaos
Turning anguish into something new, depression into something more periwinkle and less blue
Turning sadness into something that could be mistaken for beauty
Oh the things that man could do.

                        “Save her now before it’s too late tonight”

With a flick of his wrist he turned what seemed to be an escape into a bottle of Tylenol.
He molded her heart and kept it safe in a box, away from spite and hatred.
He showed her a mirror and never once noticed her deep scars
Instead he just pointed out her curves, her body, calling her art.

                        “History is like gravity, it holds you down away from me”

One the days she was disconsolate, his phone calls faded, but his presence reigned strong.
She learned to pull out of her mind and find comfort in his affection.
On the days she was disconsolate, he held her tight, proving to her she was alive
And that maybe that too, could one day be beautiful.

                           “I should have given you a reason to stay”

Sometimes a smile can be the most difficult thing to muster
But each day he slapped one on and went on his way.
Inside she could see he was dying.
With tears in his eyes he would swear he’s not crying.
He would promise he is all right then ignore her all night.
But she pushed on, swearing her love, never letting go.

                               “I just wanted you to let me in”

He broke, and she never knew why.
Slowly he backed out of her life.
Pain in his eyes he would refuse to explain, kiss her and move away.
His grandfather passed and she could fix nothing.
He saved her life, her mind, her heart and she could only push him off the edge.
She found her escape and for it, he despised her more.

                                 “I don't know where I'm going but I don't think I'm coming home”

Little did he know if she could, she would take his place.
She’d save anyone who made her superman blithe.
She called over a hundred times, waiting for an answer, begging for affection, adoration.
She shrank away from the mirrors and swore he would return.
For he was her hero, and she knew he would come save her again.

                                 “And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?””

Her screams can be heard outside her mind as her bottle spills upon the floor.
She finds herself singing, trying to convince herself that her scars can be beautiful.
She once found herself hiding and now finds herself showing herself, proud of whom she is.
Oh how that man stole her mind, sharing her dreams leaving her with half a bottle and no return.

                             “If all you wanted was love, why would you use me up? All I wanted to be was your giving tree”

Maybe he would have stayed if he knew what he did for her.
Her mind often strayed to feeling insignificant, insufficient.
Never did she consider, he was falling down the same hole.
He grew fields of adoration in her mind watering her apple trees, bringing peace to her mind
He could not have never known the wonders he brought
The smiles and shrugs, the respect she had for herself, how she managed to pick herself and move on in hard times.
He was more than enough, more than good, more than perfect.
He saved a child and helped her grow into a woman all with a smile.

                            “I didn’t want to care and then I saw you there”

Maybe no one else would ever care for her again, but that would just be all right.
He gave her something to live for, something permanent.
She had dreams; she could finally live for herself,
And if he allowed, she could live for them.

                                “Well you see her when you fall asleep , but never to touch and never to keep. 'Cause you loved her too much”

He’ll be here, he always returns. Her angel of darkness, sneaking into her life, taking root in her heart.
“Waiting for super-“
He’s just a little bit late.

Faith

If we were Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden

When you expressed interest in the fruit

I would swear to get it for you

When I were caught holding the fruit

I would take the blame, face the charges

And leave

If God asked me, did he help you?

I would say no,

He tried to stop me

For I am woman and I am corrupted

Let him stay.

I would spend an eternity sitting outside the gates

Hiding in shame under clothes of wool and chain

I would watch you

Bare and free

Saved because I am a slave to thee

I would give up eternal bliss and  to watch you dance

To hear you sing by God’s side

While I were stuck

Between heaven and hell

Alone in a place called the world

With traffic and murder

Where people like you are strippers

And people like me are whores.

When I die, and am asked if I have remorse,

What motivated me?

Can I be forgiven?

I would lie and say I am greedy

Because I am woman,

I am corrupted.

I may seem free

 I was shackled

Because you did not love me

He knows I am lying but says nothing

And banishes me

To the darkness below the earth

Where I may burn because woman is corrupted

And it is me who has confined all of mankind

To hatred

And all of women

To prison.

Dreaming

This morning as I fell asleep for the second time
I had a dream that broke my heart because it was everything that went wrong
As we laid there I kept hoping you'd pull me close
After wishing and dreaming, with your eyes closed you pulled me in
We laid there like that just you and me and slowly I started to goof around
I made jokes and teased
I laughed and smiled
But, all you did was push me away
I begged to be brought back in, saying I was sorry, promising to be good
So for five seconds i was back, nuzzling your neck, not a worry in the world
When you opened your eyes, you had your own demise to create
You stood up and walked away while I sat and stared dumbly at the space where you once stayed
I waited until you came back and looked over my head
Oh, how I wanted to stand up and hold you
But I woke up and started to cry, because I never had the chance for a new ending
I never got my smile and love returned
So I tried so hard to create an end, but nothing could bring you back to me
I knew what I had, I just never thought it could be gone
One moment we're breathing, the next we're heaving
Soon everything is ending
And there's no where to go
Each day is a gift, whether the sun shines, or storms come
My moments with you were filled with bliss
Even if I could do it again, I don't think I'd be able to
The memories make me feel less alone
But, its time to on on
I'm going to my true love
And living with no regrets

Lost Identity

I'm laying here awake in the middle of the night replaying every sad song i own and staring at the ceiling
It's the middle of the night and I can't seem to fall asleep because every time I close my eyes I see your face
Every time i close my eyes I begin to hate myself a little more
I can't seem to find the right words to say how everything seems to have just fallen apart
I picked up the world and slipped causing it all to crash
Now I'm laying here sleepless because the nightmares are eating me alive
Because the lonely never rests
Because I cried a river and even built you a bridge from my tears
Because I'm laying here realizing how pathetic I am
I told you to leave and gave a stupid excuse instead of telling you the truth
You're always on my mind
I just don't matter enough to trust you but I do
I'm so afraid to sleep and more afraid to wake up
I'm avoiding mirrors because I can't stand to see myself
I just took you by the hands and shoved you out the door
I threw you out and gave up all I had and it'll never be okay again
I can never be okay
Now I'm pacing wishing you'd call to ask if it's really what I wanted
If it's really what I needed
If I'm okay
So I can say no
No
No
I want you, I need you, I'm the farthest thing from okay without you

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it meant I had to lie
And that's the truth even if it's without me
Now I'm figuring out the truth hurts mainly when it's tainted with lies
Lies can't protect when they're laced with truth
It's as if I'm on the sweetest high singing to the world and suddenly the lights go out
It's fear at the greatest moments
It's being alone pretending I have all I needto be happy
All I need is me

So I ripped up your photograph
And threw away the roses you bought me
I erased you from my memory
But your face, your laugh, your eyes they haunt me
There is no escape from reality of the situation
Where I'm tip toeing onthe edge of not knowing you and me and losing my identity.
Either way at this point I lose you or me

Relief

Laying on the couch after a day of hard work with your feet propped
It's staring at the stars after a fight with your best friend realizing you didn't mean a word you said
And they forgave you
It's the end that comes after weeks of fighting and constantly giving up
It knocks the wind out of you when you realize these people left and they're not yours to miss
But deep inside you know it's everyone's fault not only yours
And that makes it better
After you spend weeks of not sleeping because your mind races and then one day you slip into blissful slumber
After spending your life crying and fighting
It's the moment that comes when you realize everything's pretty okay
It's the hug that comes instead of anger because we all make mistakes
And that's okay too
When life slows down a bit after the hustle and bustle and it's your time to choose
It's the moment you realize that this life is yours
You control who comes and goes
You control whats going to happen even if it's directly out of your hands
When you realize that being selfish isn't a crime and it'll save your life one day
That caring for others is a beautiful art but sometimes you just have to be number one
It's something not many get to experience because we spend our lives screaming inside and sitting around out
Feeling afraid to just jump when they sat sit
Giggle when they say quiet
Stay when they say to leave
Not giving up when everyone says it's over
In reality nothing is ever over and everyday is a new one
It's realizing tomorrow will never come because tomorrow will forever be tomorrow
So it's time to fight today
Life isn't going to suddenly sit in front of you while your holding the paint brush
It's a race, you must chase everything and paint it your own color
It's pure satisfaction as you sip your beer knowing, that you made a difference
Relief is a longing to know that today is not your day to go

It's About

We're all a little different
We see the world through our own eyes
Eyes that only one person has
When we speak, we push out words that hurt differently
Some of us fall apart quietly and alone
Some of us refuse the heart break and fight back
Some of us realize a little too late that we should have fought
The time we have for us all slips through our fingers like sand
Only a few pieces stick but the rest fall, impossible to get back
Life isn't like a beach, or war or a football game
Life isn't living of dying
Life isn't even life
For everyone it's so different, that my extreme is your nothing
But every life is filled with empty lonely moments
We all break even if we don't realize it
For every life there is love, loss, anger and pain
Some of us get angry at love for causing us pain and we get lost
Some of us love the pain that gets us lost and fight the anger

I used to truly believe life and love were a war
You have to right to have the upper hand
But after spending so many nights with no one to turn to I see
There is no fight, no person worth dying for
Love is not always kind, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Life and love are not about beating someone until they break
It's about beating yourself until you can open up and be free
It's about looking past your problems and theirs
It's looking into their eyes and seeing there is no one like them
It's about looking in your own face with not one trace of disgust
Because only then, can they
They're about who we find that being there for them
Is as easy as them being there for you
It's a 2-way street that only gets built once in a lifetime
But lasts past death
It's the one person you'll turn Hell over to find when you both die
It's when you'll give up Heaven and God and everything you believe in
To suffer an eternity with them
Rather than love happily ever after without them
It's when you'll break and fight for them, but you'll never have to
It's about when you pick up and leave
They'll follow you across the world
You won't even have to ask
And when they leave you, you'll hold on, get on your knees and push past every insecurity to love them
But they'll get below you and say you didn't have to ask
Just don't forget to show you care, even if it's only in your eyes

All I learned about life and love is I should have never let go
Because it's all I'll ever have
Now it's too late to fix anything
And starting anew is difficult
From now on everyone should know
Life and love are all about the effort
No matter how much it feels like it doesn't effect anything
even if it hurts
It's always worth the shot
Regret going for it rather than missing it
Every mistake is a lesson well learned
No one remembers the person who said what if
It's the person who messed up
That no one forgets

The Art of Missing You

Time stands still when you're not around
Time stands still and I end up sitting here biting my lip until I taste blood
I can hear the clock tick even though it's digital
I'm standing on the ledge of sanity waiting, hoping, wondering when I'll see you again
Will anything ever be the same?

I can't remember the last time I slept
Even when I'm asleep I'm just so awake that I wake up more tired than I was before
I can't help but tell the truth to everyone I see
I'm going away for a little while because there's an angry mob chasing me
They want my soul
Apparently truth hurts

I guess this is called waiting
It's 4am and I'm sitting here fully aware you're asleep because everything is easy for you
You laugh
You smile
You live
Without me


I guess this is called being lonely
When no one will call me but I'm too afraid to call anyone
I'm to afraid to write
I feel so helpless and anything can hurt me
So I get angry
I'm pushing everyone away because truth is I'm frightened

I guess this is called insomnia
I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see you and to be honest I cry
So I just lie there staring at the ceiling wishing the phone would ring or I'd hear a pebble at my window
I lay awake hoping for some cliche to come around and put me to rest
I wonder if you're thinking about me and realize your not because your sound asleep
Time passes so quickly for you while I lie here counting agonizing seconds

I guess this is called confusion
I think you're what I want but maybe I'm just fooling myself
I tore down every picture from my wall
I threw away everything with any meaning
I don't want to remember what I had only what I have and none of this is me
No one is me
Who can be?


I think this ones depression
Lonely
Sleepless
Scared
Crying
I may not be a psychologist but maybe we've all lost our minds
Or maybe I'm normal and you all belong in an asylum
Maybe it's late again and I'm crying because everything is an excuse to talk to you
I'm yelling because I'm scared and I want to hear you love me
Someone has to
Can't it be you
I'm the only person who cares anymore
So I pushed away compassion and said fuck the world
Now I stay up all night fighting with my happiness
I guess I've leaped off the edge
Or maybe not I mean you are keeping me alive
But sometimes it's hard to sing and dance and smile

I like excuses

I enjoy avoiding the fact that I can't stop eating every sweet thing I see hoping i can find something that tastes like you're lips
Like Your sweet skin
Every where I go I smell you and call but you're no where

They help me hear your voice
If only you'd call because I know I'd sleep to your numbing love

I guess they're helping me avoid admitting that i miss you
well, the secrets out
i am helpless and i am weak
I need your lulling touch to breath
your breath on my neck when we hug
the only heaven I know when you smile my way

One more sleepless night as I fall apart
I guess I'm not as numb as I believed
I guess denial doesn't always work
but admitting doesn't make me any less alone