Dreaming

This morning as I fell asleep for the second time
I had a dream that broke my heart because it was everything that went wrong
As we laid there I kept hoping you'd pull me close
After wishing and dreaming, with your eyes closed you pulled me in
We laid there like that just you and me and slowly I started to goof around
I made jokes and teased
I laughed and smiled
But, all you did was push me away
I begged to be brought back in, saying I was sorry, promising to be good
So for five seconds i was back, nuzzling your neck, not a worry in the world
When you opened your eyes, you had your own demise to create
You stood up and walked away while I sat and stared dumbly at the space where you once stayed
I waited until you came back and looked over my head
Oh, how I wanted to stand up and hold you
But I woke up and started to cry, because I never had the chance for a new ending
I never got my smile and love returned
So I tried so hard to create an end, but nothing could bring you back to me
I knew what I had, I just never thought it could be gone
One moment we're breathing, the next we're heaving
Soon everything is ending
And there's no where to go
Each day is a gift, whether the sun shines, or storms come
My moments with you were filled with bliss
Even if I could do it again, I don't think I'd be able to
The memories make me feel less alone
But, its time to on on
I'm going to my true love
And living with no regrets

Lost Identity

I'm laying here awake in the middle of the night replaying every sad song i own and staring at the ceiling
It's the middle of the night and I can't seem to fall asleep because every time I close my eyes I see your face
Every time i close my eyes I begin to hate myself a little more
I can't seem to find the right words to say how everything seems to have just fallen apart
I picked up the world and slipped causing it all to crash
Now I'm laying here sleepless because the nightmares are eating me alive
Because the lonely never rests
Because I cried a river and even built you a bridge from my tears
Because I'm laying here realizing how pathetic I am
I told you to leave and gave a stupid excuse instead of telling you the truth
You're always on my mind
I just don't matter enough to trust you but I do
I'm so afraid to sleep and more afraid to wake up
I'm avoiding mirrors because I can't stand to see myself
I just took you by the hands and shoved you out the door
I threw you out and gave up all I had and it'll never be okay again
I can never be okay
Now I'm pacing wishing you'd call to ask if it's really what I wanted
If it's really what I needed
If I'm okay
So I can say no
No
No
I want you, I need you, I'm the farthest thing from okay without you

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it meant I had to lie
And that's the truth even if it's without me
Now I'm figuring out the truth hurts mainly when it's tainted with lies
Lies can't protect when they're laced with truth
It's as if I'm on the sweetest high singing to the world and suddenly the lights go out
It's fear at the greatest moments
It's being alone pretending I have all I needto be happy
All I need is me

So I ripped up your photograph
And threw away the roses you bought me
I erased you from my memory
But your face, your laugh, your eyes they haunt me
There is no escape from reality of the situation
Where I'm tip toeing onthe edge of not knowing you and me and losing my identity.
Either way at this point I lose you or me

Relief

Laying on the couch after a day of hard work with your feet propped
It's staring at the stars after a fight with your best friend realizing you didn't mean a word you said
And they forgave you
It's the end that comes after weeks of fighting and constantly giving up
It knocks the wind out of you when you realize these people left and they're not yours to miss
But deep inside you know it's everyone's fault not only yours
And that makes it better
After you spend weeks of not sleeping because your mind races and then one day you slip into blissful slumber
After spending your life crying and fighting
It's the moment that comes when you realize everything's pretty okay
It's the hug that comes instead of anger because we all make mistakes
And that's okay too
When life slows down a bit after the hustle and bustle and it's your time to choose
It's the moment you realize that this life is yours
You control who comes and goes
You control whats going to happen even if it's directly out of your hands
When you realize that being selfish isn't a crime and it'll save your life one day
That caring for others is a beautiful art but sometimes you just have to be number one
It's something not many get to experience because we spend our lives screaming inside and sitting around out
Feeling afraid to just jump when they sat sit
Giggle when they say quiet
Stay when they say to leave
Not giving up when everyone says it's over
In reality nothing is ever over and everyday is a new one
It's realizing tomorrow will never come because tomorrow will forever be tomorrow
So it's time to fight today
Life isn't going to suddenly sit in front of you while your holding the paint brush
It's a race, you must chase everything and paint it your own color
It's pure satisfaction as you sip your beer knowing, that you made a difference
Relief is a longing to know that today is not your day to go

It's About

We're all a little different
We see the world through our own eyes
Eyes that only one person has
When we speak, we push out words that hurt differently
Some of us fall apart quietly and alone
Some of us refuse the heart break and fight back
Some of us realize a little too late that we should have fought
The time we have for us all slips through our fingers like sand
Only a few pieces stick but the rest fall, impossible to get back
Life isn't like a beach, or war or a football game
Life isn't living of dying
Life isn't even life
For everyone it's so different, that my extreme is your nothing
But every life is filled with empty lonely moments
We all break even if we don't realize it
For every life there is love, loss, anger and pain
Some of us get angry at love for causing us pain and we get lost
Some of us love the pain that gets us lost and fight the anger

I used to truly believe life and love were a war
You have to right to have the upper hand
But after spending so many nights with no one to turn to I see
There is no fight, no person worth dying for
Love is not always kind, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Life and love are not about beating someone until they break
It's about beating yourself until you can open up and be free
It's about looking past your problems and theirs
It's looking into their eyes and seeing there is no one like them
It's about looking in your own face with not one trace of disgust
Because only then, can they
They're about who we find that being there for them
Is as easy as them being there for you
It's a 2-way street that only gets built once in a lifetime
But lasts past death
It's the one person you'll turn Hell over to find when you both die
It's when you'll give up Heaven and God and everything you believe in
To suffer an eternity with them
Rather than love happily ever after without them
It's when you'll break and fight for them, but you'll never have to
It's about when you pick up and leave
They'll follow you across the world
You won't even have to ask
And when they leave you, you'll hold on, get on your knees and push past every insecurity to love them
But they'll get below you and say you didn't have to ask
Just don't forget to show you care, even if it's only in your eyes

All I learned about life and love is I should have never let go
Because it's all I'll ever have
Now it's too late to fix anything
And starting anew is difficult
From now on everyone should know
Life and love are all about the effort
No matter how much it feels like it doesn't effect anything
even if it hurts
It's always worth the shot
Regret going for it rather than missing it
Every mistake is a lesson well learned
No one remembers the person who said what if
It's the person who messed up
That no one forgets

The Art of Missing You

Time stands still when you're not around
Time stands still and I end up sitting here biting my lip until I taste blood
I can hear the clock tick even though it's digital
I'm standing on the ledge of sanity waiting, hoping, wondering when I'll see you again
Will anything ever be the same?

I can't remember the last time I slept
Even when I'm asleep I'm just so awake that I wake up more tired than I was before
I can't help but tell the truth to everyone I see
I'm going away for a little while because there's an angry mob chasing me
They want my soul
Apparently truth hurts

I guess this is called waiting
It's 4am and I'm sitting here fully aware you're asleep because everything is easy for you
You laugh
You smile
You live
Without me


I guess this is called being lonely
When no one will call me but I'm too afraid to call anyone
I'm to afraid to write
I feel so helpless and anything can hurt me
So I get angry
I'm pushing everyone away because truth is I'm frightened

I guess this is called insomnia
I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I see you and to be honest I cry
So I just lie there staring at the ceiling wishing the phone would ring or I'd hear a pebble at my window
I lay awake hoping for some cliche to come around and put me to rest
I wonder if you're thinking about me and realize your not because your sound asleep
Time passes so quickly for you while I lie here counting agonizing seconds

I guess this is called confusion
I think you're what I want but maybe I'm just fooling myself
I tore down every picture from my wall
I threw away everything with any meaning
I don't want to remember what I had only what I have and none of this is me
No one is me
Who can be?


I think this ones depression
Lonely
Sleepless
Scared
Crying
I may not be a psychologist but maybe we've all lost our minds
Or maybe I'm normal and you all belong in an asylum
Maybe it's late again and I'm crying because everything is an excuse to talk to you
I'm yelling because I'm scared and I want to hear you love me
Someone has to
Can't it be you
I'm the only person who cares anymore
So I pushed away compassion and said fuck the world
Now I stay up all night fighting with my happiness
I guess I've leaped off the edge
Or maybe not I mean you are keeping me alive
But sometimes it's hard to sing and dance and smile

I like excuses

I enjoy avoiding the fact that I can't stop eating every sweet thing I see hoping i can find something that tastes like you're lips
Like Your sweet skin
Every where I go I smell you and call but you're no where

They help me hear your voice
If only you'd call because I know I'd sleep to your numbing love

I guess they're helping me avoid admitting that i miss you
well, the secrets out
i am helpless and i am weak
I need your lulling touch to breath
your breath on my neck when we hug
the only heaven I know when you smile my way

One more sleepless night as I fall apart
I guess I'm not as numb as I believed
I guess denial doesn't always work
but admitting doesn't make me any less alone

A Walk to Remember

I started at the edge. a cushioned edge perfectly clueless. I stared at an empty open road, that seemed so safe. I couldn't see the broken glass and blood stains on the gravel. I saw love from my family. I never thought anything was wrong. Daddy can hit mommy. Mommy can cry. Sister and brother can beat me. It's what normal families do. This is what it's like to be normal. I am normal. I slowly started treading down the road. Then, mommy left daddy. Most kids parents are divorced. This is what it's like to be normal. This is what normal families do. I am normal. as I'm dragging along my heart, I step upon a shard of glass. It pierces my foot, sending shock waves of pain throughout my very being. Everyone gets hurt. I am normal. So, I simply drag one foot. Not knowing it's holding me back. I come to another stop. We're moving. What can I say everyone moves right? This is what normal families do. I am normal. They tell me I'm too social. They tell me I ask stupid questions. They tell me I'm going to grow up to be a slut. They tell me they don't trust me. I trip and bang my knee. No blood, just a bruise. I will go on. Brother does drugs. I hear the yelling. I hear the hitting. They're all fighting like banshees. For the first time. I hold my sister while she cries. It breaks me apart to see her collapse. He stops talking to us all. Daddy stops caring about us all. I slip on dried blood and break my hand. The bones slowly crumble turning to nothing but a small piles of dust that causes tears to come to my eyes. But, I refuse to stop now. I mean, we all fall right? I am normal. He breaks up with me. Dates my best friend. My brother doesn't love me. My grandparents don't love me. My father doesn't love me. Moral support for all the things I do disappears. I held mommy while she cried. I punched myself in the lip, busting it, and let the blood dry until it was shut forever. I cut myself. The adrenaline was amazing. The pain the only thing there for me. No one can stop me now. Perseverance. We all have it. I am normal. Moving, again. Leaving it all behind. Who's going to love me now? Sister threatens to kill herself. She'd rather be dead than live with us. Mommy only wants sister. Daddy doesn't care. Who's going to love me now? We move. Where's brother? Where's father? I miss grandma. I miss grandpa. I'm going to fuck up they say. I'm going to get pregnant, drunk and high. But no. I tell them I never want to get drunk or high. I want to wait until I'm married. Stupid. Yes, I'm stupid. I live for the stage. I get amazing roles. Whatever they say, sister runs track. Sister, we are proud. Sister, we love. I win a theater competition. Whatever they say, who cares? It's just theater. Stupid they say. Stupid. Get home. Nothing. sister, they say has been doing track. Sister, amazing. You, who cares? Oh I wasn't listening you, sorry. Sister was existing, I was to distracted. All the while I'm picking up the shards of glass from the road, and slitting my own wrists. Carving my legs and wishing to die. Willing my body to give in. Swallowing pill after pill just because I know I can. No, no please no. I see a clearing and run for it. The sun shines down on me. But sister messes up. I am punished. I am the disappointment. Never have I done anything wrong. Fighting the urges to leap off the edge of the world. What am I to do? i do not want to hurt you or anyone else. But myself I now hate. I can not stand up for myself. I can no speak my mind. I want, all I ant is someone to talk to. I wonder what it's like to have a friend to talk you down. I have a friend. i made a promise. Never again shall the blade touch my skin. Or caress the way only it can. Never again shall I feel the pure ecstasy and manic euphoria that comes with every cut. I wonder what it's like to truly be happy? I don't want to be sad. I sit in the middle of the broken beaten road. With no where to go. No one to turn to. I'm afraid I'll jump off the edge. But I want to live. Don't I? The scars beg to differ. The peeled away skin. The bite marks. The damage I caused myself. Toying with my own emotions. There's no one who knows. How can anyone expect me to Love them when they don't know me. When all I hear is manically depressed. You want manically depressed I'll give it to you. I'll be me. Then you'll regret all the stuff you said. You'll swallow the sharp words like a sword slitting your throat. You haven't seen anything yet. Don't push me, because the way I fight is something only a abused and beaten child can muster. The pain you will see. I fight by hurting me. I fight by showing you the way I can make myself bleed. I hurt no one, but myself and I wish I could stop. Because really, I love me. So please stop pushing me so I can smile and tell myself I can go on. I'll show the world. Anyone can make it. I am walking down this road. Each step slitting my feet and causing warm blood to trickle and tickle my feet. But I can take it. I will live. I. Will. Live.

Waiting on Forever

Venting:

I want to walk down the stairs right now, sit down in front on you and tell you what went wrong.
I want to walk down the stairs right now, and ask you where I am.
I want to walk down the stairs right now, and show you every scar I drew.
I want to tell you, more than anything in the world.
I want to know I'll have someone forever.
But I know everyone will say I've had you since the day I was born.
You've been gone for so long. And I see that.
You're eyes are dark, your heart empty.
You're mind is closed off to the world.
You're soul left the day you lost your world.
I know what you've been through.
I'm afraid that will be me.
With no one to turn to I'll lose myself and no one will be able to find me.
No one can see me slipping.
But I can feel the loosening of my gripping.
I put off phone calls.
Ignore letters.
Tell the world good-bye.
People get angry.
Why can't they see, I'm looking for somebody.
Have you seen them around here?
Anyone who can look past my lies?
Anyone who can see the pain in my eyes?
Someone who will wipe away my tears and hold me when I run.
I don't want to be free.
I just want someone to care for me.
Isn't it obvious?
I'm not okay.
Don't ask whats wrong then turn away.
If you don't care, just walk on.
It took my whole life.
It took my smile.
It took my heart.
It took the trust I had for everyone.
Maybe one day I'll find someone to listen.
Maybe one day I'll no longer cry.
Maybe one day sunshine will come back into my life.
Maybe one day you'll realize the stupid remarks hurt.
Maybe one day, I'll find trust.
Maybe one day she'll come home.
Or maybe I'm just waiting on forever..

Oh, Divine Master

So maybe I just wanna slit my wrists and go bed
I wanna hope I never wake up again
So maybe I wanna run with the devil
And take every risk in life
Maybe I wanna piss off god and all his followers
I wanna prove we’re in this alone
Yet
It just fucking sets me off
That there's no one to fall back on
No one to grab on to
There's no one for me
And trust me there's no one for you
So who the hell do we go to
Oh that's right guy in the sky
Guy in the sky that leaves us broken and beaten in the street
Who leaves us vulnerable before we go to sleep
A man who is the most abusive of all
We crawl back like it's nothing at all
I know with every word I speak I'll start a brawl
But let's face it no one is going to save us
As we free fall
Into the deepest pits of hell
That's all we'll ever know
Because we are sinners
And forgiveness is a foreign language
To the world
Forgiveness will not be found
Would you forgive us all?
But you'll find me here
On my knees
Begging for redemption
Doing as all the people around me please
Because no one thinks for themselves anymore
No one lives for themselves anymore
No one is true to anything but conforming anymore
That's all we ever plead for
For people and things we don't even know to accept us
I thought the moral was “never care what others think about you”
So why are we forced into these pews
Why are we forced to believe a book
Why must we make him love us
Why does he decide of we suffer or prosper
My life is none of his damn business
What have we become
It's all we ever wanted
Acceptance from someone "superior"
But truly how many people could possibly be accepted?
So you go ahead run your life around these rules
and you know what?

I’ll sit here drinking all our booze
Cause I don't mind getting fucked up
It's not like I'm the one he'd even choose

What the Hell are We Doing?

It's like I'm back
Reliving

Reborn
I'm mad at the whole damn world and you're no exception
So what are you gonna do
There's no proof that I'm gonna explode
You're gonna run just like I told you
Because we are all alone
We are all suffering
And there's no escape no matter how much you pray
So take my hand
If you dare, hold it and never let go
Grab on if you're not afraid to see some scars
Take me on if you're not afraid to see some blood and open wounds
Cuts and open gashes on my chest
Where my heart keeps on slipping out
Is anyone not afraid to take on the shit that I throw
The anger, spite and steel knives I'll use to cut across your face
Because I will be jealous
I know I'll be your disgrace
I will fight you

Bite you

Need you
Beat you
There's no escape from everything I will do
I'll smash you into the ground because you're the idiot who grabbed my hand
You called it soft and pulled me along
You've dragged me down and made me cry
No one makes these tears fall from my eyes

So in return
I am going to show you how hell feels
I'm gonna show you what it feels like to burn
And you'll scream, plead and suffer

You’ll get on scabbing itching knee’s
It'll hurt to lay down for months
but I'm not letting up
I'm going down and because you played my little game
I'm dragging you along

With me

Believe in Me

Is there anyone to save me
Tie my hands behind my back to stop me
I can't keep the fire away from my skin
I know some one's out there
Oh, I don't believe that

Is there anyone to save me?
I'm hiding out here below the world
In the fiery pits of Hell
The world keeps turning
As I continue burning
Oh, I don't believe that

Is there anyone to save me?
I've got this devil in my hand
With a click of a finger
I could take the pain away
Maybe, if I wait just one more day
Super man will look my way
Oh, I don't believe that

Is there anyone to save me?
Manipulate me oh please oh please anybody
I am not one to be trusted with a life
Yet in my hand I hold the key
Drop the lock and possibly they'll all be free
I hold the world in the palm of my hand
Oh, I don't believe that

Is there anyone to save me?
From the slashes across my wrists
From the burns upon my legs
The gashes across my chest
The heart that falls out again and again
There's a ledge at the end of my world
I slowly creep to close
The wind playfully tousles my hair
The edge is so inviting
I hold the world in the palm of my hand
As I tumble past the end of the world
But, oh, I don't believe that

Stuck

I seem to have dropped something
As I entered the door
My heart just sat there
Alone on the floor
I was afraid, because I couldn't get there in time
There were people leaving my world
You took a step in and ran out
In those mere seconds
I happened to take notice
And I lost my soul in your eyes
My heart stuck to the bottom of your shoe
Just a nuisance so hard to shake off
Like a kid I dropped my gum
And you were caught
Now you catch my dropped jaws
Sadly, you are deafened by my fast beating heart
I hope you will forever put up with words eaten by the butterflies
Eyes that tear up each time you walk past
I've been chasing my heart and can't seem to get it back
I'm on my hands and knees, pleading
Let me clean myself from your shoe
But you just look right past me
Even if you said so, I couldn't have walked away
Even if you said no, I couldn't have moved
There's something about that smile and laugh
That are the sweetest melody to my ears
Something about your eyes that hold a chain around my ankle
You just drag me along
And I'm slowing you down
But please don't drop me now
I'm holding the wrapper whenever you're ready
I've got it prepared for you to carry away
I've got it all open, ready to trade our hearts
Please don't let mine fall as foolishly as I did
Thank you for stepping in
Promise me, you'll never walk away

Think Before You Speak

It's an odd feeling coming back to something you haven't done in so long. Today I want to go on a diatribe, I hope you all would please try to understand. I hope you all take the time to read this because it's something I feel very strongly about. Recently I read the book Night, by Elie Wiesel, and it touched my heart. It's about the holocaust, it's one survivors story and it is truly tragic. The things this man has overcome are tremendous and beautiful. Truly amazing and inspiring. Now my problem lies in the fact that I hear people making jokes about what these people have been through. Am I the only one that understands that if we brush off the past and pay no mind to it then we are sure to repeat it in the future? I am a strong believer in learning from the past, living in the now, but playing for the future. The jokes I hear are sick and disgusting. These people were tortured because of what they look like, and what they believe in. They were taken and slowly killed.Yet no one seems to care anymore. I have friends who are Jewish. I know people who don't look like anyone else. That's almost everyone. We are all different people and should not be harmed because of that. The fact that people are driven to suicide and murdered for being themselves is horrible and unacceptable. No one has the right to pay God and steal a soul. I think everyone should try, please please try, to be more conscious of what you are saying and who you could be hurting. Whatever happened to harmless teasing? It's turned into some game of who can push the most people off the edge.. We used to all be friends and we've become enemies in this war of life. Everyday is a battle, and the bombs are flying. There are no quiet days that are harmful. What have we become to laugh at another's misfortune. Who are we to judge? Who are WE WHO, to say someone deserves pain. And who do we think we are laughing at the people killed, in the Holocaust, everyday on the street, slaves and any other. It's a serious thing that is threatening to repeat itself with the white-supremacy groups. Everyone really please, for me, for them, for all of our sake think before you speak.

Super Hero

There is no world around
No smiles
No frowns
No fear
Or love
No want
There are just empty walls of space
Closing in around
Suffocating me
And there are these tears
They are falling down
So swiftly and quietly
But no they do not stop
The walls come in the tears come down
I'm drowning in my own pain
I knew it would end this way
No superhero to drop in and save the day
I keep picturing your face
It hurts so bad that you won't see me for who I am
And I'm drowning faster
Losing the battle
Losing the war
Losing my mind
The only place of my own
Now all yours
You have total control
What can I do
The walls have me pinned
The tears have no place to go
As I drift away
No one to come in
And save the day.

How Dare They?

Regret it's the game we all seem to be playing now. I regret looking like the rest, never trying harder, never being me. I regret dating him, wearing that. And oh em gee that perty... Yes, that's what I hear everyday. Personally, I have no regrets. Oh yes, so many things I could change but it's in the past now. Whats the point of dwelling? The only thing I guess I could say I regret, or would want to change, is not letting him know I'm different. I'm not like other girls. i can think. I have a mind. I'm strong, I've been through a lot. The world judges by what's on the outside and that's not all there is. People don't even realize they do this. I had somenoe tell my I don't know what a hard life is. Yes I do. I've lost more people then you, been through mroe abuse. Live with the abuse. You live with love, hurting yourself. I want to be there for anyone and everyone, but I don't want to live in a world where we jump to conclusions. Where we judge by things we don't know. Where we can't even say congratulations to someone who needs it the most. What do you know? Tell me that! WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT ME? Why does no one ever listen. All they do is talk because they know I'll listen. Like I've said a million times, I listen because I never want anyone to feel as alone as I do. Isn't that hint enough. I need someone. Anyone. To trust. Because I have never trusted anyone in my life. Never. I want to find that exception. Can someone just listen?

Here's to a Smile

So I guess it's like giving in.
I didn't want to go on.
But now I have to.
I don't want to see the world
But I have no other choice.
I don't want to write, or breath , or sing, or even see anything.
But this world still holds the control.
So looks like I'm stuck in this.
Maybe it'll get better.
I learned my lesson last time I said how could it get worse.
Crying myself to sleep and hoping for someone to hold me..
It doesn't work.
Hope brought me nothing but despair because I'm alone.
So here's to giving in.
Here's to those days I can muster a real smile.
Here's to the life I'm living.
Here's to the love I'm giving.
Here's to my beautiful friends.
Here's to these beautiful words.
Because life may not feel like it's worth living.
But we might as well make the best of it.
So yes, I will go on.
Thank you if you're someone I run into along the way.
Just know, I will make it one more day.

Sunken words

I guess you could say it hurts

But then I'd be a liar

I guess I could say it'll heal

But then I'd be confused

I could say I never really cared

Never really felt anything

Never had any hope

But then I'd be a fool

I knew it was the truth

My I tried to deceive myself

My heart It hurts

It's empty without you

I don't know why I ever tried

Oh god I can't believe I'd ever be good enough

I feel like such a fool

To think I'd found someone who cares

I never even had you

So what have I lost?

Its not fair that I must love and lose

Does the pain subside?

Will I feel whole

My life is spiraling

And I have no place to go

Just down down down

There are not bright skies

Not even rain

To wash away the pain

There is absolutely nothing

But blind fear

That I am forever alone

Have you ever just listened
To the sounds of a cold winter night
The world outside so still and frozen
There's nothing more the world could hold
The gentle breathing
As the world slumbers oh so peacefully
But no no not me
I lie awake at night
Wondering, how will I handle tomorrow..

The Beginning of the End

It's called the beginning
Solely based on the fact that it's new
Something untouchable that posses the soul
Like the soft metal that touches my temple
It's called the end
For many people know it's time to let go, but hold on
Like the trigger I gently caress
It's where the line breaks
The bridge falls
And I go weak in my knees
Where my smile one was
Are painted on scars
Revealed for the first time, for the world to see
The end brings no closure
The difference that it makes
At a point like this
Closure is insignificant
It's the end of the line
Wake up and step off
No turning back now
But those big brown eyes just beg me to stay
Though I know they aren't calling my name
It never was me
Though I like to believe it is
Hoping this dream comes true
But I still feel the weight in my hand
Hollow pain in my chest
Now a hole in my head
As I fall into the sleep
That gently cradles me
Until the end of the day

Anyone even. There? No not me.

Guys look I'm sorry but I'm done. I have nothing left to say so I'm letting this go. I feel like I'm talking to myself anyway. If only I knew someone was out there. I hope you know my heart is with you wherever you go but this is goodbye.

Stopping?

So sometimes I wonder

I spend each night starring at this screen wondering

Is anybody out there?

Does anyone even listen?

Or am I just talking to myself?

No matter

Even if no one ever answers

I won't stop no

No I will never stop

Just in case...

But i still wonder.

If i stopped would anyone even care?

And That's All I Got

And thats all I got

Nothin left to cry

No one left to hold

Holding down nothing

Alone at last

The way I knew it would be

Breaking mirrors and starting fires

Swimming in oceans and running across the world

Shining like a star in the night sky

Twinkling and dazzling to all

But to me

I am nothing special

Just broken slowly fading behind the moon

Alone with no one to relight me

Surely this is not how it will end

But honestly I don't know

I hope this is not how she felt when i left

I'm not giving up yet

Oh no

I'm looking for happiness

Walking a thousand miles

On broken glass

Looking for those eyes I know so well

Looking for someone to smile

Saying all my hearts will until I see something

Someone who has hope

Inside tothe core

No doubt no more

Even if it'll never be the girl I see

When I look at the reflection

On broken mirrors

In the night sky there's no worry

I'll never see her anyway

Come on now

Shine bright for a while darling

Blind

I'm fine
Just breath and let go
Repeat
I'm fine
On the outside stand tall and proud
Sleeves rolled down to hide the secrets of my break
Avert your eyes from pain and heartache
Don't let them know every step hurts
But in away no one could comprehend
Stand tall and proud
Smile, good, now laugh
They can't see the dust
That my heart has gradually become
it's the little things that rip me apart
But I can't stop these tears
That quietly kiss my cheek
The world is blurry
Looking through my heartbreak
The world just hurts me
When you ignore my pain
Could it be more obvious?
Do I have to scream your name?
hey brown eyes
you're hurting me
hey brown eyes
I'm falling fast
hey brown eyes why can't you see
I'm in misery
I need your touch
to fill the cracks of my heart
hey brown eyes
prepare to say good bye
because tonight
When I say I love you
It'll be the last breath I ever take
And I dedicate it
to you

The Beginning of the End

it's called the beginning
Solely based on the fact that it's new
something untouchable that passes through the soul
like the soft metal that touches my temple
It's called the end
For many people know it's time to let go, but still hold on
Like the trigger I gently caress
It's where the line breaks
and the bridge falls
when I go weak in my knees
Where my smile once was
Is painted with scars
Revealed for the first time
for the world to see
The end brings no closure
The difference that it makes
At a point like this
Closure is insignificant
It's the end of the line
Wake up and step off
No turning back now
But those big brown eyes just beg me to stay
Though I know,it isn't my name they call
It never was me
Though I like to believe it is
Hoping this dream comes true
But I still feel the weight in my hand
Hollow pain in my chest
Now a hole in my head
As I fall into my sleep
As my dreams without him become reality

Unforgettable

I wish it were as easy as saying

No never again

And closing my book of a heart

But no my heart is the pen on an empty page

Drawing every feature of your unforgettable face

Refusing to let go

Of something that doesn't and will never exist

Drawing every line of two hands clasped

Inseprable halves of a whole

Love in the air so thick

There is no way to breath

But no it's not love

It's just an empty poets heart

Trying to close the wounds

With a being so beautiful

And a being that sticks so perfectly

So perfectly between each crack

It's meant to be

But this love is a one way street

With a clueless other half

And new cracks are formed

And new words are written

Of pain and feelings of being worthless

And soon the cycle begins again

But here my heart is again

Drawing those deep brown eyes

That shining smile

And such an unforgettable laugh

The light to my mind

That keeps out the dark even for a minute

A new purpose

If only this love

Wasnt a one way street

That is bound to end

In new scars and cracks

On a broken hopeless romantics heart

Like Nothing At All

Standing here

Heart in my throat

Feet melted to the ground

Knees buckling and going weak

My jaw is dropping

And butterflies are fluttering

There's nothing I can say or do

To tell you why I feel this way

But I can say

I wouldn't change that little ache

When I know you don't care

I wouldn't give up that hope

That maybe you'll be there

I wouldn't change that wish

That this will all turn out fine

Even if I lose my mind

This feeling

Can take control and I would never complain

This feelin like nothing at all

I give it my blessing to conquer my world

Because if a simple dream of you

Having the same feeling

Can make me float allthrough the day

If a single dream of holding you

Can take all the bad memories away

If your amile and laugh

Can push away the darkness taking over my world

Than I know

I shouldn't give up this feeling

For anything in he world

Losing Time