Goodbye

I think this is it. I no longer have anything to say. I've run dry of ideas. So I guess this is the end. A good-bye to a world i don't even know exists. It was fun for a short time but now my mind is angry with me. I have fallen in too deep of a love and it is no longer safe. I need to leave now. So this is it good-bye to the world I have never known. I hope I helped someone.

Trying

Run away and don't look back.
Keep moving and never turn
Go straight across the world
To a place where you can't be found

Who Am I?

Sometimes I wish I has a mommy to coddle me
Sometimes I wish I had a daddy to spoil me
Sometimes I wish I had a family that never falls apart
Sometimes I wish I wasn't me
My wishes never seem to come true
And I'm stuck running from everything I am
Everything I do and have is not what I want
I need a second chance to redo it all
I can no longer control myself
Maybe I am insane
But no matter what I need help
I have no clue what you want to see
I keep trying and it's not working for me
Honestly I don't know who or what I am
The only time me comes out is when I am writing
She breaks free
At night when I'm sitting alone crying
She is disappointed in what I have done to her
I do not blame her
Who the hell am I?
Where have I gone?
Someone please, help me....

Wasted

Wasted time and wasted moments
What I have come to know
If there is no reason
Then it is thrown away
If there is no reason
Then why do I stay
pacing this empty house mumbling to myself
waiting, just waiting for something to happen
Sitting on this broken couch
Taken over by dust and time
Watching the sunset as it too is eaten in the moment
Soon it is gone, much too fast
I am wasting time hoping for a miracle
All can hope for now is a door to open
Something to let me through and find time
Find time to replace all my wasted moments
Find a reason to hold on to what I have
To live every moment in pure bliss
Please give me a reasons to find a stairway to something better
Give me a reason to climb through this open window and run for the sun
Run for it and not let it go because that will keep you here
Please someone if you hear em give me a reason
There is no point in sitting in a town that has beaten me down
In a town where every house knows me
Where every house avoids my presence for it will grow old and empty
Like the one I sit in now
Wishing the darkness would not leave me
Looking at the stars wishing I could touch them
Just feel the beauty they could bring me
Beauty that can help me find a purpose
I just want a reason to hold the night sky with me
A reason to not let it pass because it passing would mean you would have to leave
I need a reason to lay in the grass and lay my head on your chest
I need a reason to feel warmth
I just need a reason
Not empty wasted time
Not pointless moments that bring me nothing but tears
But then again feeling this pain means I have a heart
It gives me hope for something better
Even fi truth is, I no longer believe I will find a reason
So I sit here watching the sun rise
Wishing he was next to me
Holding me tight telling me this is the first of many
The first of the rest of our lives
I get up and walk out the front door
I look to the sky praying to a god that never listens
To help me find a reason

Open Door

When you leave,please close the door
I don't want you here anymore
Tell me, oh please tell me, you will love me more
Hold my hand and don't let go
As I clutch an old photograph
I can not help but laugh
All those times we played silly games
As you chased me through the hall and I called your name
Now all I can utter is a deep sigh
A lonely cry because I miss you so
And I know there is no way I can get through this
Because life without you is nothing at all
Sitting here alone
I can hear the wind howl
It feels my pain
It is alone with nothing to hold on too
It keeps moving like a rolling stone
It is like me with no purpose
It just wants to hold on but nothing lasts forever
When you leave please close the door
I'll whisper for you to stay
But honestly, I can't do it this way
All this pain, all these lies
They tear me apart inside
You have become a stranger in my mind
But my heart holds on to the fond memories
The few things I remember
it has been a minutes since you left
Yet here I am already broken
Feeling nothing but the wind pushing me aside
Now as I watch the sky
I realize this is a wasted sunset
Because without you all time is wasted
Life has no purpose
Here I sit
Wishing you hadn't left the door open
Because now I hope you will come back
30 years have gone by and I sit staring at the open door
Still hoping you will walk through
Chase me down the hall calling my name
As I scream with joy
That you have returned
Many years and I haven't moved
many years and here I am
Waiting...
Return to me
I will wait forever by the window
Talking to the wind asking him
to bring you my way

Writing

It is my handhold on life
What keeps me going at night
Without it I would die
Maybe not outside
But inside I would be nothing
I would rot away
As my brain gradually decayed
There would be nothing to grasp my soul
Nothing to tell me, there is more
Nothing to help me get through the darkness
Nothing to keep the light
Without it I would disappear
Slowly fading into my despair
With not outlet, no way to let go
I would have ntohing to fall back on
Without it I would have no place to go
It is my life
Without it there is no existence
It lifts my feet off the ground
Holds my body tight
And let's me know that even if now all the world is laughing, everything will eb all right
I will never give it up
Even if the world hates it
Because, to me it is everything
And I need it.

Voice Your Promise

It's funny earlier today I would have given anything to die
Now all I want is to fly
I want to soar the open sky
I want to hear your cry
I want to catch every tear and save them
So the world knows a tear is never wasted
I thank a spirit I am a live
I am grateful to be awake, eyes wide open
Make me a promise you will not hurt yourself
I have never broken a promise to you
So please do the same for me
I am going to count every promise
I want a promise of life
If you throw it away you will break my heart
Please promise me, don't take away my last piece of sanity
He made me his promise
I want to fix him for the person i lost
No one, please I beg the world, no one run from me
I have lost a million to many
Now I suffer for decisions that were not my own
I'll be at your door arms wide open
Ready to embrace you when you need me
Think of me and I'll be there
I am never far away
I promise I'm still here
You're never alone
Even if I were to die
Murdered in cold blood
My spirit would hold you at night
It would sing you to sleep
Here I am
The world better prepare
For someone who is never giving up
Even if the pain is unbearable
I never plan to leave the world
So voice your promise to stand with me
So we can let the rest of the population know
They are not alone
Voice your promise to hold my hand
Because then you as well as everyone will always have
Something to hold on to
When you feel
You are
Slipping
Away

Don't Let Go

The world has broken me down
They have pushed me over
Stomped on me
Pointed and laughed
Screamed their stupid jokes
So let me tell you something
Next time you feel alone
Picture me next to you
Grab my hand and walk on through
The world will not dare harm you
As long as you got me
I promise
Just picture me and I'll hold you tight
I'll fight away the demons of the night
Fingers entwined
Your heart in mine
There is no one who can break us
When we have each other
So next time you want to end it
Next time you're holding that knife
Think of me
And how you can not hold my hand and the knife
At the same time
I will not make you choose but don't forget
You made a promise to hold my hand
Fine, I'll stand back and wait until you're done
I'll treat your wounds and kiss them clean
But do not forget
You can't hold my hand and the knife
I will be hurt but I'll get over it
But please, don't let me go
And I'll fight for your life
I will keep a smile on your lips
If you just hold me tight

Say Good Bye

I found a reason
I take a step closer
The wind bites at my skin
The rain embraces my skin
The sun shines through the clouds
Embracing my heart
I feel the edge draw nearer
Now without fear
I leap into the darkness
Not knowing how I got here
I curl up and cry
For I have left my heaven
Fear has taken over me
Pain in every pore
But I won't give in
No
Not again
Though I wish I succeeded
On the fist time in
Now I am stuck.
Hoping I can help
Before temptation
Takes over my soul again