A Walk to Remember

I started at the edge. a cushioned edge perfectly clueless. I stared at an empty open road, that seemed so safe. I couldn't see the broken glass and blood stains on the gravel. I saw love from my family. I never thought anything was wrong. Daddy can hit mommy. Mommy can cry. Sister and brother can beat me. It's what normal families do. This is what it's like to be normal. I am normal. I slowly started treading down the road. Then, mommy left daddy. Most kids parents are divorced. This is what it's like to be normal. This is what normal families do. I am normal. as I'm dragging along my heart, I step upon a shard of glass. It pierces my foot, sending shock waves of pain throughout my very being. Everyone gets hurt. I am normal. So, I simply drag one foot. Not knowing it's holding me back. I come to another stop. We're moving. What can I say everyone moves right? This is what normal families do. I am normal. They tell me I'm too social. They tell me I ask stupid questions. They tell me I'm going to grow up to be a slut. They tell me they don't trust me. I trip and bang my knee. No blood, just a bruise. I will go on. Brother does drugs. I hear the yelling. I hear the hitting. They're all fighting like banshees. For the first time. I hold my sister while she cries. It breaks me apart to see her collapse. He stops talking to us all. Daddy stops caring about us all. I slip on dried blood and break my hand. The bones slowly crumble turning to nothing but a small piles of dust that causes tears to come to my eyes. But, I refuse to stop now. I mean, we all fall right? I am normal. He breaks up with me. Dates my best friend. My brother doesn't love me. My grandparents don't love me. My father doesn't love me. Moral support for all the things I do disappears. I held mommy while she cried. I punched myself in the lip, busting it, and let the blood dry until it was shut forever. I cut myself. The adrenaline was amazing. The pain the only thing there for me. No one can stop me now. Perseverance. We all have it. I am normal. Moving, again. Leaving it all behind. Who's going to love me now? Sister threatens to kill herself. She'd rather be dead than live with us. Mommy only wants sister. Daddy doesn't care. Who's going to love me now? We move. Where's brother? Where's father? I miss grandma. I miss grandpa. I'm going to fuck up they say. I'm going to get pregnant, drunk and high. But no. I tell them I never want to get drunk or high. I want to wait until I'm married. Stupid. Yes, I'm stupid. I live for the stage. I get amazing roles. Whatever they say, sister runs track. Sister, we are proud. Sister, we love. I win a theater competition. Whatever they say, who cares? It's just theater. Stupid they say. Stupid. Get home. Nothing. sister, they say has been doing track. Sister, amazing. You, who cares? Oh I wasn't listening you, sorry. Sister was existing, I was to distracted. All the while I'm picking up the shards of glass from the road, and slitting my own wrists. Carving my legs and wishing to die. Willing my body to give in. Swallowing pill after pill just because I know I can. No, no please no. I see a clearing and run for it. The sun shines down on me. But sister messes up. I am punished. I am the disappointment. Never have I done anything wrong. Fighting the urges to leap off the edge of the world. What am I to do? i do not want to hurt you or anyone else. But myself I now hate. I can not stand up for myself. I can no speak my mind. I want, all I ant is someone to talk to. I wonder what it's like to have a friend to talk you down. I have a friend. i made a promise. Never again shall the blade touch my skin. Or caress the way only it can. Never again shall I feel the pure ecstasy and manic euphoria that comes with every cut. I wonder what it's like to truly be happy? I don't want to be sad. I sit in the middle of the broken beaten road. With no where to go. No one to turn to. I'm afraid I'll jump off the edge. But I want to live. Don't I? The scars beg to differ. The peeled away skin. The bite marks. The damage I caused myself. Toying with my own emotions. There's no one who knows. How can anyone expect me to Love them when they don't know me. When all I hear is manically depressed. You want manically depressed I'll give it to you. I'll be me. Then you'll regret all the stuff you said. You'll swallow the sharp words like a sword slitting your throat. You haven't seen anything yet. Don't push me, because the way I fight is something only a abused and beaten child can muster. The pain you will see. I fight by hurting me. I fight by showing you the way I can make myself bleed. I hurt no one, but myself and I wish I could stop. Because really, I love me. So please stop pushing me so I can smile and tell myself I can go on. I'll show the world. Anyone can make it. I am walking down this road. Each step slitting my feet and causing warm blood to trickle and tickle my feet. But I can take it. I will live. I. Will. Live.