Let's play

I'm sick of seeming weak. I am super girl and stronger than anyone knows. I have been through so much. So fine, set upon me a decree of not sharing how I feel with anyone. I can take it. I'm stronger than you know. I have been through things people do not even know. I'm am sad for reasons unjustified. Things others fear. I, yes I, do not fear anything. Fear is but a trick of the mind. Sadness is a way to keep us down. Insanity is a name meant to scare people away. We're all insane and those of us who refuse to smile are the most mentally unstable. In this game, I will pretend you belittling my feelings and wants does not hurt. I will smile and ask you for favors. Ask you about your days. pretend all is okay. When really I want to fly away. It's hot in here and I feel dizzy. To me it means more because I am leaving. Everyone is leaving. It is not the occasion it is the idea. The reason. What will happen next. This time, it's permanent. Let's play that all is okay.

Dear Stranger.

Dear Stranger,
Did you know I love you? But, I do not know who you are. I created this image. This image I wished you could be and I pretended that's how you were. Now I'm stuck on this image. It's not you I love. It's the idea of you. The idea of us. But, it's all wrong. I hope I will forget you. I can't get oer you. Not even the real you. I keep hoping I'm wrong and that everything will be okay. I keep hoping you will start to love me. I keep hoping all of this was a mistake. I'm sorry I made things so difficult. I just can't get over you. I hope we can be friends. And maybe this history will keep us together. Something we share. A little mystery behind us that no one really remembers. You deserve her. You really do. She's so much better than me. I deserve nothing. Prince charming doesn't exist. Only for her. She's beautiful and a great girl and friends. I hope you last forever. Most of all please never forget me because you left a mark on my heart. A huge scar. Well you must have because there's no way it can be put back together. It's still broken. Maybe stranger, we will meet in the future. Never forget me. I am always here for you. No matter what. I didn't mean to mess up.
Love,
Always, for ever and a day,
Your truly,
Super Girl

Hello?

Hello is anybody out there? Hello?
Does anybody care? Hello?
I am so scared. What will happen next?
I have a plan. Lets play pretend
Lets play pretend that everything is okay.
That no one hurt us.
Lets play pretend that the world isn't ending.
Fine don't play along. Looks like I'm on my own.
Need a short break.
I don't even know what's wrong. But the tears won't stop.
Well they stopped. I ran out. Not I feel hollow
I heave. It's hard to breath.
I am sad. So distant. So lost.
I am.
Going to get lost. In another world. A portal to something better
I am. So scared I will leave with things as they are.
I do not like to seem weak.
But I am feeble and frail.
I am not capable of all the things piled upon me.
It will be our secret. That I
I am truly not okay.
I. Yes I. Strong little warrior.
I super girl. Am in fact not over him.
And I warrior girl. Ferocious as I am
Can not wait to escape this hell...

Is she me?

This girl who can not stop crying
This girl who is looking back at me
Who is she?
I see her but I can not tell if she is beautiful
She is so different
She looks at me with painful eyes
Something that screams "help me"
She needs someone
But refuses to take my hand, I think she is waiting
She seems so mad
So done with everything
Who is she?
Why does she look so scared?
She trusts no one
Now I see
She is alone and refuses help from those who love her
She's pretty dumb if you ask me
Her hair looks so bright
And as if she ran her hands through it
Way to many times out of frustration
Her eyes are wet from crying
Her lips red small but when she smiles
Very rarely does she smile
They become big and beautiful
I can not tell if she is beautiful
There is a barrier between us
It is...
A mirror?
Is she me?
Now I fear.. I do not eve know
How I feel.

A Moment

There is a moment in time when we fall in love
When we choose the wonderful friends
When we choose the bad friends
A moment, when we realize who the true friends are
A moment when we are left and broken
There is a moment in time when we want to die
When someone takes joy in our pain
When someone stops caring
A moment when you realize how nasty someone is
A moment when you realize you can't stop loving them
There is a moment in time when we are helpless
When people don't pick us up
When we only want one person to come around
A moment when we lie to ourselves
A moment where all hope is gone
There is a moment in time when we cease to dream
When the dreams come back, a miracle has happened
When they leave again
A moment when we are done
A moment when we want to run away
There is a moment in time when I realized I can't forget you
When I realized I'm leaving and you're done with me
When I realized you have forgotten me
A moment when I ran out of tears '
A moment when I missed you
At this moment, I once again, wish I ran when I had the chance
Died when I had the guts
Loved you in that moment
Never let you leave
A moment when I can't stop remembering
When I know you want to cause me pain yet I can't stop it
I know you don't care but I still do
I just keep lying that I don't
A moment is now that I know I love you

Different

I may be a little strange
A little off and a little weird
I may be the biggest freak
They may find me to be too weird for the freak show
Some may even run screaming
I would rather be me, then something else any day
Even if it means I'm different
I do not want to be like you or any of the others
Fake faces, fake smiles
Easy and boring
Mean and such liars
Gossipers and backstabbers
Fake friends
I don't want to be
someone who lies
turns others against people who don't approve of all they do
Choose temporary over forever
Dicks before chicks instead of chicks before dicks
Don't care about anyone but themselves
Take j0y in making others cry
I want to be all that I am
All that I was
Just plain old boring me
Spacey, somewhere else, classic and happy
Happy
I want to be me
Not you, not her not him
I may want what they have, but I will have what I do
I will love all that I do
I will, I will be me
Even if that means
I am different
Even if it means
Nobody ever loves me
Different is how I truly am

The Moment

I am so weak and so different
I have no will to live in the moment
Only because, the moment
Yes, the moment, it hurts
I can not even believe all that has happened
My mind has yet to accept it
I can not believe my time to shine has already passed
I can not believe my "friend" hurt me so
I can not believe my "friend" played me so
I can barely believe those who love me, the noes I need
Yes, I can barely believe they are there
I can see very little
I feel I may be happy but only when these thoughts can not reach me
I am sad without the happy
I am angry without the screams
I need to free my voice and yell just yell
I never got to, let it all go
I never got to growl at the top of my lungs
Yell that they are wrong
Screech that its not fair
I need to soon or I may fall
Fall so low
Fall apart
Not fall forever
Forever is better
But instead splat
And fall
Fall apart once more
The moment, it's scaring me
The moment, it's scarring me

My home

When I climb onto a stage, the world fades away
When we're up there together smiling and laughing
The world fades away
When is start to dance, the world fades away
Everywhere else I fall, on the stage I fly, the world fades away
My second home makes the world fade away
Suddenly I do not need to find myself, I need to be another
Easier to depict something I do not need to believe is a lie
But instead another side
The stage, makes me feel at home
The world fades away
Everything is finally okay.
Forget the hurt, broken smiles and all the tears
The world fades away
2 days and it is over, but now the world fades away
Spotlight comes on as I am pushed on stage
Suddenly I hear my vice echo through the room
Singing my heart out
It's over and they holler for me
For me.
The world fades away
Up there you know it's about me
Everyone can see me
No longer invisible
The stage is my home, it has a gift
It makes the world, it makes the world, fade, fade away

Rebuild

Did no body see?
Did no body care?
As I sat there and cried
Sat there alone
No one came over to ask if I'm okay
That would have made my day
To now someone is there
I was alone
They were together
Lost in my music, dreaming it was me with him
Dreaming we were all smiling
Dreaming we were friends once more
So lost in my dreams I forgot to live life
Now I try to live and I do not know how
No way to be able to
What to do? What. To. Do...
How does one live when they are broken?
How does one live when they can barely move?
No energy to put forth into anything.
I look like a fool
Dragging her feet
Only truly happy when she leaves this world into the dreams
Into the music
The old love and laughter
Hoping for the new life to begin
Good-bye old and hello new?
It's not so easy to do.
As it is to say
Maybe I will save this choice for another day.
Hello? Am I still here?
Can anyone here me?
My voice... it's gone...
Feels like.. I am alone
Hello? Am I still a live?
Hello love laughter and life?
Hello dreams I once shared?
Hello shine I used to pass around?
Are any of you there for me?
Seems like I am drifting on my own.
Treading water holding for life.
Take me away to the sands of the beach
Where I forget it all
Alone. As I am.
To rebuild, what I never truly had.
To rebuild, what I was fooled into thinking.

Give up?

What is wrong with me? Why can I not give up? This is ruling my life and I can't let go. It's so obvious it matters to no one else. Yet to me it's everything. I need some help, yet no one is here to give it. I need some guidance but from who? Who can say all the right things? What I really need is things to go back to the way they should be. I want to be happy. The way I was when we were together. The way everyone was back then. I want it back. I want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. No more sadness or anger. No more deceit or fights. No more betrayal. Only smiles living, laughing, dreams and believing. Shining and loving. Everything we need but can no longer find. I want it all back. Should I just give up now? Give in? Leave here forever. The day is nearing. I'm so lost as to what to do. No one seems to want to solve it. It starts here with me doesn't It? But I can't do it alone...

Forget

I just wanna tell you how I really feel. How much I hate you and wonder how you're real. Everything from that time you just seemed to forget. Those times they curse me like the black plague. I am so sick and tired of being the exception. They say they care and that they just need something for themselves to be happy. Funny, everything that makes them happy kills me. Every time it's someone over me. I want to be chosen and be held and loved. I want to be seen. Don't say I'm not invisible because I never meant enough for you to fix anything. I need someone to just tell me all the right things and tell me what to do. I need to be happy. You say I don't care about you yet I said I'd die without you. Why believe me? Right. Why care and think that maybe I'm not a terrible person. I'm so sorry I want to be happy. I'm so sorry I thought there were some rules, some way that things were. I was oh so wrong. Forget it. Forget me. How I feel. My happiness. Never mattered. Never has. Never will. I'm easy to forget do not worry. Move on I'll break all by myself. No one asks whats wrong or cares anyway. I'll be fine. What ever that is. I still really want need and miss you all. But forget me. Just remember that I never really mattered. As scared that I am that you really will forget me and that I never mattered, I'm taking the risk. Let's see if you'll miss me.

Him and Me What I need

Did I love you to much? Was I not enough? I thought and dreamt about you every night. Had those moments when I realized I needed you and missed you. Had those times when I missed your smell and your embrace. Loved those moments when we held hands the world seemed to disappear. All I wanted to do was smile and laugh when I was with you. Hugging you took me to another planet and I felt so safe. With you my whole life, every trouble and every tear I'd ever cried didn't seem to matter. With you life felt so perfect and I floated on air. I would not let anyone be sad because I felt so happy. I just wanted to sleep in your arms. Loved to see you smile. I was more fun and my friends seemed to love me. I meant every loving word. I fell for you. Now, I know you didn't mean any of it. You just stumbled and walked along. I'm here still fallen with a broken everything including heart. Waiting for you to come back and notice me. You see so many other girls perfection in the moment. I wish you just saw how you need me. I long to be everything perfect for you. Stop seeing through me. I've been here the whole time. The right girl. It should be me with you. Should be me making you smile. It should be me crying in your arms when people make me sad. IT should be me making you go mad because of your love. It should be me yet it can't be. All because you no long see me. I need you. I want you. I miss you. I've always been here. I always will be. But I won't wait for your love forever. Please hurry. Before I fall apart and die. Hearts already broken. You are my last hope to be fixed. See that I am the one who is everything right for you and she is only temporary. She is not true. She wasn't here for me. You and me forever, Her and me for as long as we live. You and me til the day we die plus all our time. Please see me. I know. I was just a patch of dirt on your yellow brick road to happiness. But this patch needs your help. I need to be happy again and only you have that power. Believe it or not. I love you farther then to a million galaxies and universes and back. Can you try to love me? We were meant to be. Tired of being heartbroken. The stars are waiting for you to see me.