Not sure how much longer I can go on.

Is there a time when we know it's time to let go? Who's to say ere isn't? I'm still living, I'm still breathing. Do I want to? Well that's up to me to decide, sadly. The answer is no, life interests me no longer. This is why I have no freedom to choose, because people trust me not. Yet, thwere is no one here trying to stop me. No one at all...

We are not supposed to care what others think
But we are not to be ignorant
We must shine above the rest
But not be arrogant
We must love ourselves but not be conceited
We must abide by the rules
But because of our age
We must be rebellious
We are to never put another person down
But when taken down
We are expected to walk on
And ignore it
We must not talk back or hit another
When in need of self defense we are to ask for help
Yet when we ask for help we are told not to be so weak
Honestly what do you want form me?
These guidelines, nay these rules, have become impossible
This little test you are imposing upon us
Has become impassable
There is no way for us to win
Only a way to be proven wrong
We may not cut or take our lives
For that is wrong
Yet many are told they make peoples lives harder
Think about it, does this seem fair
Because many people go through this each day
Open your eyes to these laws
The harsh punishments
The things unavoidable
The items that cause us to curl up and cry
And cause many to take their own life
Is it fair?
Give us a chance to grow and learn
Without harming us, or our confidence
For then none of us will have reason to harm another

I'm attempting to ignore it
Trying o not care what others think of me
But that is very difficult when no even I want to speak to myself
It is hard to know what I am doing wrong
I no longer know
How long this can go on

Simple Me

Is anybody out there?
Or am I talking to myself?
Is anybody hangin' on?
Or am I foolin' myself?
Does anybody even care?
Or am I a simpleton to even believe so?
I feel as if I am deceiving myself
Pulling myself into believing
That I, a simple, young, lonely girl
Can truly make a difference
When really I doubt anyone listens
Every time I cry I doubt someone wants to catch my tears
When I scream there is no one to hear me
When I write there is no one to waste their breath
On reading every line
Why I go on I have no clue
I feel I should give up
Run away and never look back again
But I can not, will not
This is the last thing gripping my long gone sanity
Funny how I could believe
Someone as stupid as me
Could make a difference
Man, why I try I don't know
I feel I should just walk away
Take what I can
And forget this ever existed.
But, I can't.

There is nothing special about who I am, what I do, how I speak. Nothing. I have been through pain. I have felt all there is, I have experience at a young age. Life for me is never really easy. Write about your joys and specialties. We all have something to offer. It may be later so do not leave without your beautiful contribution.

I Am Perfect

So I have acne, I cry a lot, I'm emotional, I hate my life, my hair is always frizzy, I'm too skinny, I'm short, I'm loud, I can't always control myself, I'm constantly tired, I cut, and I'm lazy. I hate people, I'm depressed, I want to run away and I always mess things up. I'm a klutz and awkward. I'm imperfectly perfect. I have many flaws. Every aspect of me is a flaw and if you don't like it I don't care. I love myself and who I have slowly become. If you don't get out of my life. I am sick of feeling like I have to change part of me to impress others. I don't need make-up or nail polish to be beautiful. I don't need to hairspray my hair crunchy and frizz less. I can be natural and beautiful with all that I am. I may be too skinny but to me it's beautiful because I am who I am, and no one can ever change that. You are who you are. Wear as much make-up as you want. Laugh that fake giggle. Crawl all over boys and leave your friends behind. I will never follow in your footsteps. So back down and run away, I am here to stay. I will penetrate these walls of people telling me I am not good enough. In my eyes I am perfect and later you will all see that. Okay so you have people all over you now? What happens when in the future I am successful with a perfect life because I didn't cheat and hurt everyone I know and you are crying? Do not expect me to be there because I will have long ago flown away. This is my life and I'm going to start living it. This is my life, and I am damn please with it. I love every one of my flaws. i no longer care if I have no perfections. I am me.

Playing

Playing on the edge of the world
Controlling all those below
A stage unravels below me
A theater builds up around me
Playing on the edge of the world
I control this little place
As I point it happens
I control the feelings
No one may ever tell me no
For if they do, they feel the cold shatter of my heart
Exploding into a million pieces
Taking over them
From inside out
Its a growing pain
Chilling from the spine
A horrible death
Do not deny me what I want
Or I will deny you the right and torture of living
For here living is not real
We all are not a live
The edge of the world is our stage
For we are no longer real
Just a bunch of broken souls
Confused as to whether they should run or not
Broken souls who have no one
But the stage where they play
A person less broken
Then their abandoned hollowed forms

Holding On

I won't, I can't
I refuse to let go.
The abuse, so emotional, is taking over
The loneliness, a fear to leave my room
In case someone tells me to leave
Because I will just fall apart and cry
Grab a knife and run it across my skin
But, no, I won't let go
Walking along the edge of the cliff
Speaking silently to God
Asking why, why are you laughing?
It hurts.
Wondering if when she was trying to escape
She thought of running from me
Alone in my own world
Feel of being rejected by all
Playing with the options of my knife
But, no, I won't jump
Grasping the edge of the cliff
Looking down at the steep descend
How did I end up here?
Why is there no one helping me out?
Only people at the top laughing
Jeering, daring me to let go
My family didn't show up to my last day
My friends are non-existent
God is silently dancing
The Devil is whimpering
He does not want to be stuck with me
For I have sinned
God is free
I can't do it
I am letting go
But, no, I refuse to slip free
I'll show them all for laughing
I will defeat them
But, no, I can not stay...

Sometimes I am...

Over emotional, hurt, sad, broken, giggly, silly, nostalgic, talkative, courageous, afraid, crying, screaming, in pain, cutting, confused, lost, gone, exhausted, tired, sick, insane, delusional....
Sometimes I am too many things to name
But all the time
I am somebody, who needs somebody
To be a somebody,
in my book
I am always looking for somebody
to try for somebody
And never leave them alone
I am somebody, even if you don't think so
I am a bit depressed
Occasionally I bring others down
But, if you stick by me
I promise in the end
It'll be worth your while
Because I will always stand for you
No matter what...

Broken Mirrors

Look in a mirror and what do you see?
Have you been deceived?
Pray you don't see someone like me
So broken and damned to an eternity
An eternity of broken pains
Afraid to look away for even a second
Fear to lose track of who you are
So difficult to know if this is okay
If the next blow will hurt
If you can walk away from the mirror and pain
Take the knife to it to your wrist and not push it in
play with the flame and not swallow it whole
So difficult to know, if the next step is to stay or go
Break the mirror, walking free
I no longer care how the world sees me
the pain feels good, the warm blood, trickling down my arm
Open my eyes and see this scar will never leave me
Oh god, what have I done
I am so afraid, how do they see me?
Will the accept my plea?
My plea of forgiveness
For looking a mess
I fear so much that I am clueless
I regret it, the scars need to fade
The mirror needs to be repaired
The blood needs to dry
The pain is a necessity
A part of me
I hope they accept me
Fake as can be
Not longer showing how I am
I hope they love
The new plastic me
Though she fades each night
Sometimes the old one shines through
Broken and damned
Fading into the stage
I love her, she loves me
But it can not be
If I want to be a part of the world

Never..

You know... People may think I'm insane because i write this and NO ONE reads it. But honestly, this is for me. If someones sad, I'll share it but to know I can just let it out every once in a while makes me happy. So go on, judge me. Think I'm a loser because I enjoy writing. I think it's important to post. Maybe someone I don't know about out there, depends on me. So I will never, ever give up on this. I may take a while to post, but I will always be here. Forever and a day, just in case that one day saves you.