Questions..

What happens when every second of everyday you want to cry?
When the thing that makes you broken is the thing you need?
When forever turns to never?
And love is a one way street?
When you were hoping they care, and you realize your dumb?
What did you expect? Love?
I did, funny ain't it?
Why can he not see me?
Why does she deceive me?
There are so many things I want to be, do you really think she will?
She is tricking you, why can you not see?
Look into my eyes, will you tell me you love me?
Why can't you see me?
Why can't you love me?

Erase

I wish I could take back every kiss and every hug
Forget the time you first walked by
The friendship we shared
I wish I could erase you from everything
I wish I could take back every time we held hands and the world disappeared
Take back all those times I got lost in your eyes
Take back the hurt I may have caused you
Forget the pain you caused me
Leave the love I have for you behind and start new
Remember now I shouldn't love you
Forget how it feels to be held by you when I really want to cry
The silent understanding
How I was only truly happy with you
When you left I wanted to die
I want to erase it all
Yet somehow I can't
How you smell and when I took your sweatshirt
Somehow I knew you'd forget me
I'm not much to remember
I thought I could make you fall for me
It started to work
You left for a week again
Came back and I was gone
I was dwelling on the love I had for you
You were runnin' around avoiding me
Can't look me in the eyes
I long to be held by you once more as long as you never let go
All these things I want to be
Need to stop thinking about how I love you..
Must let go..
Wish I could erase it all
Said good-bye to the one you left me for
She left me too
I stand alone lovin' you
Feelin' alone
I lost the game.
I ended with a wanting to take it all back
To be less exposed
But, no matter what, I love you and it may never change
I opened up to you and now you're breaking me
Stop saying you care
Stop making me fall, I am a klutz
I need you
Do not forget me
She will never be what I long to...

In the end, I still want, love, miss and need you, but most of all

Darling I miss what we had.

Him and Her

I see how he holds her, and wants her, I see how she wants someone else. He is blinded. She is lying. I see how she looks at another. A smile and love in her eyes.I see how he is without her. My best friend. Thought I made him forget her, but he ran from me for her. I need him, look at him with a longing. She's really not a good person. But, he can't see. She has him fooled with a fake pity and sad. She is okay. Not me. I'm not. I can fake a laugh. With him, I can smile for real. But, each day he makes me love him more. Thought I was healin', thought I would be all right. Now I don't even know what that means. I can love him more than her. I can be there, I understand. She is nothing. She left me, alone, pretended to care. I see now she doesn't. Good-byes are always hard. But with him I refuse to let go. We've said it too many times. I swear we will be together forever, even if it is, only in my world.

Leave

Friends come first. Family. In the lead. I could never do to her what you did to me. You say you care, but you can't fix it? Please.. Stop lying, I hate it. You just don't want to. Friends mean more. Somehow everything you say seems to be a lie. Never should have trusted you. Should have run when I had the chance. Should have left when I had the guts and time.. Now I'm stuck here to endure more pain and suffering. Stuck here while people try to find me help. No one can help me now... No one... I will go. Eventually by my own choice. Someone who i don't even know, all I know is I love them, controls my life. But I, I will control my death. It is my dream and I believe it. Have faith in it... No one... No one can help me now..

Worthless

On an island, isolated by my hearts screams
Why must good-byes be so difficult?
Why can't you see, this is not the way I want it to be
I just believe this is what you want, what you need
Trust me, I am no good for you
In all honesty, I believe the world is better off without me
But there just may be some who need
Someone to be there and that shall be I
I just am so lost in a never ending rain forest
Fine by me, this way no one can see me cry
Not even I can feel the tears trickle down
I am so numb I have nothing to show, no energy to use
For me I feel it is over
I have no more tears to cry, no more reasons to smile
I want to be taken away, someone relieve me of this pain
I long to, need to be, yearn to be okay
What ever that means it is what I want
Because, right now I am crying and dying inside
I said good-bye to one, there are many more it may be time to leave
I believe anyone can be better than me
When I look in a mirror I see an ugly girl, stupid girl hurtful girl
I hurt people, too much, I may never be beautiful, if I ever am
I swear I will take it away, for I do not deserve it
I am not here to impress, I shouldn't be here at all
Just another night to cry
Just another night to yearn to fly
To die, to leave this cold, stupid world
I am, I feel, no matter what anyone says, so alone
Except when I talk to you, my darling...
You keep me here now, you have the hold
I am oh so worthless
Help. I need help. What ever that is.
Take me away to an island
My sweet escape.

Gone

I hear the boisterous waves all around
I feel their anger crash down, I have given them relief
Down here, the pieces of my broken heart seem to float
They run away from me, is this the way it should be?
Down here, no one can see me cry, not even I
I can not tell what is real
I can not tell what I feel
I truly am alone, no one can ever understand all my hurt
There is no happy ending to my fairy tale
Only a shattered heart, tears, depression, and too many lost years
Everybody wants to be chased yet I am done running
Sick of being the one who must fight, being alone in the end
I can not seem to win, so I give up, I give in
I shall ask, "Do you want me to win?"
Do not spare my feelings, tell me only what I need to know
Pure and true honesty will pull us through
I lat at the bottom of the ocean
I hear only the sound of frustrated waves and muffled cries
Feeling so free, only my mind and me
What will I miss? Is it too late? I am already gone..

Fading

When blue skies fade to gray
And you laugh at me that way
When everything falls apart
Just because of a shattered heart
When we all want to disappear
Because we know these were wasted years
We wish we never met you
I do not know what to do
I know I shouldn't chase you
And I will not, can not do this anymore
Catch me if you can, I'm running now
Catch me if you care, I will be gone soon
Catch me, Catch me, because I need you
No matter what you do
You are a part of my heart
Many miles make no difference
How close we are with our minds is all that matters
You try to meet me, but I'm pushing you away
Can not do this for another day
Time is not healing my lives pain
I can no longer live like this
Take me away, you are my last hold on life
Who are you my darling? Why don't you let me go?

Where I Long To Be

On a beach, sand in my hair, sun on my back
Water pushing on my body
Cold to the touch but oh, so silky
Help me, oh please, help me

A retreat in my mind
The ocean seems to eat me
How I long to run here
No one can see me, invisible here, how I long to be
Run away from pain and life
How wonderful this can be
Help me, oh please, help me

I can keep swimming, I may do as I please
All alone on this island, my mind and me
Silenced my hearts cry, for the view, is breath taking
So beautiful it could make you fall in love
Just think, all this is mine
My escape, no one may trespass
I am not safe inside my mind
Help me, oh please, help me

A week away, even a day
I just need to see my autocasm
Even once would be magnificent
Long to see the beautiful twinkling, blue ocean
Lay in the soft, warm sand
The sun will smile at me once more
Please take me there
Give me a break
Let me be alone
I need to see my escape
Help me, oh please, help me

Take me there now, today, so I shall no longer suffer
I will not miss much
But I need this so I may be happy
For the first time
Take me there
I really wish to go
I just need a break
Help me, oh please, help me

See Me

You are the only one
Who brightens up my day
My own little sun
now every sweet thing you say
Every little word
Makes me want to cry
They all seem so absurd
Sweet, mean everything in between
You broke my heart
Not in two
But into dust
I need someone to repair it
But only you can
I need to remember you love her not me
Yet you confuse me
Tell me what you want me to be
I can't let go of you
So many other fish in the sea
But you are the only one for me
I can't let go even though i know I should
Just a boy?
Yes I know
But he's the boy for me
I just need you to be in my dreams
I need all the hope and faith
I need you to believe you love me
Forget her see me
I'm more then she could ever be
No one will love you
no one will care for you
As much as I do
I am the one for you
Baby, please see me
Cause I can't get over you
I can't see you or I will cry
Find me in the dark
baby see me for I can no longer see you

Me

A little bit about me... I've had a pretty hard life. Been abused, never really been happy and now I'm just waiting to move away and start a new life. I'm hoping I'll be happy then. Depressed is how I am. I adore writing and it helps me move to different lands so I hope you enjoy my writing as much as I do. Just recently got my heart broken and now I seem to be breaking my own heart. It hurts. So I'm very down. Enjoy my everything. Random blurbs, thoughts, stories and poems. Everything. Enjoy(: